Monday, November 8, 2010

Sports Jokes for Norm MacDonald's Show

Los Angeles Lakers' Kobe Bryant (C) and Lamar Odom (R) look on as the Cleveland Cavaliers' Lebron James (L) drives down court with the ball in the second half of an NBA basketball game in Los Angeles on January 19, 2009. Lakers beat the Cavaliers 105-88. (UPI Photo/ Phil McCarten) Photo via Newscom Photo via Newscom

According to recent poll data from The Q Scores company-- Kobe Bryant and LeBron James are equally disliked by American sports fans. Geez LeBron, I don’t know how you managed to do it, but it looks like you’ve squandered your ‘rape cushion.’








Winner of the 2005 Heisman Trophy, Reggie Bush of the University of Southern California, poses with the award in New York, in this December 10, 2005 file photo. Bush said on Tuesday he will forfeit the trophy. USC was slapped with severe penalties by the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) in June after reports that Bush had accepted money and other benefits from marketing agents while playing for the school. REUTERS/Jeff Zelevansky/Files (UNITED STATES - Tags: SPORT FOOTBALL)
So to recap-- in the past year, Reggie Bush has given up Kim Kardashian AND the Heisman Trophy. What’s next on the list, Reggie? Oxygen?... Man, if he was Catholic, and all that went down in April, Reggie would be having the Best Lent Ever.



ENGLEWOOD, CO - AUGUST 05: Running back LenDale White  of the Denver Bronocs takes part in practice during training camp at Dove Valley on August 5, 2010 in Englewood, Colorado. (Photo by Doug Pensinger/Getty Images)

It was extremely difficult for Bush to give up the Heisman. Not just emotionally, but physically. For security reasons, he’s been keeping the trophy inside former teammate LenDale White…

O.J. Simpson stands during his sentencing at the Clark County Regional Justice Center in Las Vegas, Nevada on December 5, 2008. Simpson and co-defendant Clarence C.J. Stewart were sentenced on 12 charges, including felony kidnapping, armed robbery and conspiracy related to a 2007 confrontation with sports memorabilia dealers in a Las Vegas hotel. (UPI Photo/Isaac Brekken/POOL) Photo via Newscom Photo via Newscom

Shock waves are running through the once-proud USC program. When reached for comment, former Trojan Orenthal James Simpson said, “I am gravely disappointed. In fact, make that double-gravely.”




It looks like the Cincinnati Reds will reach the post-season for the first time since 1995, back when the late Marge Schott owned the team. Of course, Marge was the first victim of baseball’s “Three Reichs and You’re Out Rule.”


The New York Jets are making headlines for the alleged sexual harassment of sports reporter Ines Sainz, a former Miss Spain. The Jets claim they are simply transitioning from their HBO show, “Hard Knocks,” to their new Cinemax series… “Hard C*cks.”

SOCCER/FUTBOL SELECCION MEXICANA ELIMINATORIAS CONCACAF 2010 A PROBAR EL TERRENO Action photo of mexican TV personality Ines Saenz, during a training session at the Ricardo Saprissa Stadium of San Jose de Costa Rica./Foto de accion de la personalidad de TV Ines Saenz, durante una sesion de entrenamiento en el estadio Ricardo Saprissa de San Jose de Costa Rica. 04 September 2009. MEXSPORT/JORGE REYES Photo via Newscom

Actually, what happened was, the sexy reporter was there to interview their quarterback, so Jets players simply asked her if she wanted to talk to him before or after he took a shower. And of course, the best way to do that is by saying, “Hey mamacita, you wanna Dirty Sanchez?”

NEW YORK - OCTOBER 29: David Blaine reveals the secrets of Houdini's escapes to children at the opening of The Jewish Museum's 'Houdini: Art and Magic' at The Jewish Museum on October 29, 2010 in New York City. (Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images for The Jewish Museum)
Good news sports fans-- it’s WNBA Finals time! Or as I like to call it, “September Sadness.” Some truly magical moments happening out there on the court. Magical, more in the ‘David Blaine-shivering-in-the-fetal position-in-a-glass-cube’ sense, but magical nonetheless…

June 11 2010: Liberty's forward Janel McCarville (4) drives to the basket in the first half during a WNBA basketball game between the New York Liberty and the Atlanta Dream at Madison Square Garden in New York City. New York Liberty defeated the Atlanta Dream 91-79.
Of course we all love the Finals, but for me, the high point of the WNBA season is at the All-Star Break, when they have the Awkward Layup Contest.






45760, HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA - Tuesday October 5, 2010. Kristin Cavallari, former star of The Hills , is all smiles as she leaves the Red O in Hollywood. Cavallari has reportedly started dating Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. Photograph:  Devone Byrd, PacificCoastNews.com
Kristin Cavallari, from the MTV show “The Hills,” is now dating Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. Cutler said he is “thrilled” with the new relationship, while Cavallari says she is “psyched for Season Two, when I dump Jay and take a hot tub with Urlacher and Lovie Smith.” …In a related story, Snooki is pretty sure she recently gave Bubby Brister a handjob under the boardwalk.

The Minnesota Timberwolves took out a full-page newspaper ad recently that said “Are we going to win the NBA Finals this year? Not likely.” That is shocking. How can the Timberwolves afford a full-page newspaper ad?

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