Sports Jokes for Norm MacDonald's Show

According to recent poll data from The Q Scores company-- Kobe Bryant and LeBron James are equally disliked by American sports fans. Geez LeBron, I don’t know how you managed to do it, but it looks like you’ve squandered your ‘rape cushion.’

So to recap-- in the past year, Reggie Bush has given up Kim Kardashian AND the Heisman Trophy. What’s next on the list, Reggie? Oxygen?... Man, if he was Catholic, and all that went down in April, Reggie would be having the Best Lent Ever.

It was extremely difficult for Bush to give up the Heisman. Not just emotionally, but physically. For security reasons, he’s been keeping the trophy inside former teammate LenDale White…

Shock waves are running through the once-proud USC program. When reached for comment, former Trojan Orenthal James Simpson said, “I am gravely disappointed. In fact, make that double-gravely.”




It looks like the Cincinnati Reds will reach the post-season for the first time since 1995, back when the late Marge Schott owned the team. Of course, Marge was the first victim of baseball’s “Three Reichs and You’re Out Rule.”


The New York Jets are making headlines for the alleged sexual harassment of sports reporter Ines Sainz, a former Miss Spain. The Jets claim they are simply transitioning from their HBO show, “Hard Knocks,” to their new Cinemax series… “Hard C*cks.”

Actually, what happened was, the sexy reporter was there to interview their quarterback, so Jets players simply asked her if she wanted to talk to him before or after he took a shower. And of course, the best way to do that is by saying, “Hey mamacita, you wanna Dirty Sanchez?”

Good news sports fans-- it’s WNBA Finals time! Or as I like to call it, “September Sadness.” Some truly magical moments happening out there on the court. Magical, more in the ‘David Blaine-shivering-in-the-fetal position-in-a-glass-cube’ sense, but magical nonetheless…

Of course we all love the Finals, but for me, the high point of the WNBA season is at the All-Star Break, when they have the Awkward Layup Contest.

Kristin Cavallari, from the MTV show “The Hills,” is now dating Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. Cutler said he is “thrilled” with the new relationship, while Cavallari says she is “psyched for Season Two, when I dump Jay and take a hot tub with Urlacher and Lovie Smith.” …In a related story, Snooki is pretty sure she recently gave Bubby Brister a handjob under the boardwalk.

The Minnesota Timberwolves took out a full-page newspaper ad recently that said “Are we going to win the NBA Finals this year? Not likely.” That is shocking. How can the Timberwolves afford a full-page newspaper ad?