Grounded From Beyond the Grave...

Double Bummer for Butler

Not only did the feisty Butler Bulldogs lose the NCAA college basketball championship game to Duke, but Coach Brad Stevens will NOT earn his merit badges in net-cutting and banner-raising.


His parents did promise to take him to Foster's Freeze on the way home, however, despite it being waaaay past his bedtime.

Pounding the old protons

Jubilation in Geneva today, as scientists working on the Hadron Supercollider successfully ran the "Big Bang" machine, colliding protons with three times more force than ever before, and producing 7 trillion electron volts of energy.

Rival scientists, however, are claiming that the Hadron team has equipped their collider with "performance enhancing lugs."

Five Things Tiger Woods Probably Shouldn't Say

After a highly public revelation of multiple mistresses, Tiger Woods has announced he'll return to golf at this year's Masters. Since he'll probably have to do without a teleprompter, here is a quick list of things he should avoid saying...

5. "I'd like everyone to meet my new caddie, Paris Hilton."

4. "I'm just looking forward to lining up my putts again."

3. "You know what they say-- you drive for show, you putt for $3 billion in alimony."

2. "Can you believe the nerve of that Phil Mickelson, trying to cheat with those Ping wedges?"

1. "A lot of sponsors have left me, but I'd love to give a shout-out to my new corporate partner, Doyle's Ball Washers."

Tongue & (Krush) Groove

A teenager in Cheektowaga, New York has been arrested for doing over $3,000 worth of damage to a hardwood floor by wearing a diamond belt buckle while breakdancing at a house party. The police are holding the youth in pop'n lock-up.

There goes the neighborhood

An Ohio man bulldozed his $350,000 home to prevent the bank from foreclosing on it. He would have leveled his garage too, but the repo man took the bulldozer back when the man wasn't looking.

Ocho Quacko

The state of California is recommending that Michael Kamrava, the doctor of so-called "Octomom" Nadya Suleiman, should have his license revoked. The state's Attorney General filed papers accusing Kamrava of "gross negligence" and for failing to order a mental evaluation of Suleiman. They also thought his "Buy seven embryos, get one free!" promotion was a little tacky.

If the suit is successful, California may even go one step further, with Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger hoping to offset budget problems by raffling off the octuplets.